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40 Days

40 Days

If my sweet girl is anything she’s consistent. Consistent at throwing curve balls.  Consistent at being really cute, even when on the inside things are getting really nasty.  And consistent at putting on a good show for as long as she can.  Wednesday night I noticed her getting kind of spacey, but thought she was just pooped after a really good 2 days.  She woke up and was more like her old self for her bath but then fell right back asleep.  About midnight her oxygen levels started slowly creeping down and by 01:30 she was staying in a very low level and the carbon dioxide began to build up in her blood again.  Her lungs just can’t get it together.  She doesn’t have the strength to get the secretions out. Right now the doctors are closely monitoring her heart function and trying really hard to get her lungs in proper working order. Lizzie’s trying too.

After a sleepless Wednesday night and a really funky Thursday, we both rested well last night and Lizzie seems ready to conquer this Friday! She did have to take some steps backwards yesterday, and the progress of the past week has been almost completely erased.  Yesterday was hard, I did not prepare myself for any more setbacks.  In fact,  I had just been preparing myself for getting out of here.  I know it sounds crazy, I want to leave this place more than anything, but the longer we sit here the longer we get cocooned in our safety bubble of the PICU.  The idea of leaving is scary after being here so long. 40 days…

But there is light!  And I have actually stopped counting the days with a woe-is-me  mentality, but rather with a whoa-look-how-far-she-has-come thankfulness.  Being here for 40 days, day and night, you see so much.  We rejoice with the families who get to leave with their precious little ones and our hearts break for those who are not so fortunate.  To see new rounds of mommas and daddies clinging to hope in the waiting room as their child fights for their life and knowing exactly how that raw, helpless, desperate feeling feels is something that doesn’t get easier to see.  We are changed people, and even though I worked in the ICU, having lived this is a completely different experience.  How people do this without the love of Jesus and the help of their friends and family is beyond me.  We are just so very very blessed.  Thank you all for your support!

*Sorry for the lack of pictures, we’re having technical difficulties…  You can like our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/john1418iwillruntoyou if you just can’t stand not seeing her cuteness.  Please visit Lifeline Children’s Services to learn more about adoption or how you can help others with their adoption journey.

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