This One’s For The Boys.
I’m writing to the parents of girls out there; I would like to strike a deal with you… I will raise my boys to be gentlemen but you’ve got to help me with your daughters. They need to learn to be ladies, to be respectable. This may make feminists scream foul, but I do not care. I am all about women’s empowerment but not at the expense of my boys, or any other child for that matter. We need to teach our girls not just to respect themselves but also to respect our boys, the boys that will one day be their husbands. The mere idea of “respecting men” makes the claws come out in so many, yet we women demand for men to respect us. How backwards is that?
We’re even guilty as moms for not letting them be boys. Holding them back from getting dirty. Not training them to be leaders, but rather little robots that do whatever the “lady” wants. Domesticating them rather than allowing them to be men. We caudal and protect them from getting hurt to the point where they become pushovers. We squelch their God given energies and replace them with video games and tv. Then we wonder where all the real men have gone. Listen, we will teach our boys to cherish their wives and respect all women. To respect all people. We will teach them to accept responsibility for their actions, even when it hurts. And we will hold them as they work through their mistakes, I am sure there will be plenty to come. They will learn by the example we set for them, in turn our daughter will learn what kind of man she should look for in a husband. Just like I learned from my daddy and even my brothers. Please set a similar precedent for your daughters and sons, otherwise don’t be surprised to learn your child is the one responsible for toying with the heart and innocence of another.
Don’t blame boys for treating girls like objects when girls send pictures of their “objects” to our boys. For crying out loud, we can only do so much from our end to protect your daughter from the raging hormone filled minds of our sons. Check their phones, set texting curfews, lay down some laws, and follow up on those laws. Tell them that dressing trashy draws the attention of not only the teenage boys they are trying to attract but also the dirty old man and the married man and all the men that they come across. Including little boys. Yes, my little boys. Who’s the pervert now? Scantly clad girls draw the attention of my elementary school sons. They can’t help but look. From the time they could talk, my boys have appreciated the female form. At 3 years old Taylor would say “I woooooove pushy things”. If you’ve got your cha-chas overflowing and your butt cheeks spilling out your shorts, my baby will notice. And like it. That should make any decent person want to cover up a little. Please make sure your child is dressing appropriately.
I know we live in a different time. I know it is so much harder for our teens than it was for us. I am not stupid, I know there isn’t a “fix all” for the problems of adolescents inundated with technology and imagery that nobody needs to see. I know what it is like to screw up badly as a teenager and not get a do-over. And I know there is pure evil in this world that all we can do is pray our babies are protected from (this is not what I’m talking about though). We can help our kids and we can make things easier for them by actually being parents. Even when it is hard. Even when they don’t like us very much. Love and pray them through these all too short years. And don’t be afraid to do random phone checks. Know their passwords. Regularly check in on their Twitter and Instagram and Facebook and whatever the new cool thing is that I don’t know about. I mean you don’t have to completely Big Brother them, but look at your bill. If messages are coming in and out all hours of the night and the bill says there are 576 texts but there are only 137 left for viewing on your kid’s phone, then likely there are issues at hand that need to be addressed. If they have a problem sharing this type of information with you, don’t pay the bill. And for heaven sake, encourage actual verbal communication. These kids are so brazen in what they will type and share on a screen.
But I digress. Let’s get back to our deal; let’s help each other out during these hard times of raising teens. If you aren’t living up to your end of the bargain, then do not blame the boys or men of this world for ogling your daughter. I will fight for my sons and I will not tolerate them being labeled as pigs or perverts because they’re doing what boys can’t help but do. Know that we will not allow our children to hang out with yours if they are bringing them down, it’s nothing personal but it will be your loss. I will also likely let you know if your/our children are up to no good. And I assure you, if we find our boys initiating disrespectful behavior, we will deal with it. I would appreciate the same in return. Love your sons and daughters and respect them enough to set limits for them. Girls are not more special or more important than boys, and vice versa. I think too often we forget that for every sweet little girl in pigtails there’s a toothless, freckled nosed little boy with the same pure heart.