Ready to shine
I have so many random thoughts, so many things I want to write about. Forgive me for the chaos that will be this post. Tonight my sweet baby boy lost his first tooth. I am so sad to miss this milestone, how is he so big??? Josh told him the toothfairy might have to wait to until tomorrow to come, can you imagine?! Josh never has money on him, so in order to save my son from disappointment I had to share with Josh were my secret stash was (before anyone thinks I hide large sums of money from my husband, it’s just a collection of ones and quarters I have earned via the laundry). Oh well, it’s worth it. Now I just hope Josh doesn’t fall asleep before preforming his dental duties, this is a first for him too. He said Taylor was so proud of himself for not crying, I told Josh I cried for him.
I cried because I have learned so much about how precious life is. How every day with our children is a gift. As I watch my baby heal and see pictures of another of my baby’s lost tooth, I think of those mommas and daddies hurting deeply right now. As I type this, one of the friends I made through the adoption/heart surgery journey is waiting to hear all is well as her daughter receives a heart transplant. Sweet Rini, her story is so powerful and her momma is an amazing pillar of strength. Oddly, also as I type this, a young man is lying in bed in the room across from Lizzie with his parents and other family desperate to hold on. I do not know the details other than hearing “organ donor”. It is an awful thing to witness, in our 8 weeks in the PICU I have seen so much sadness.
But I’ve also seen joy, it’s too easy to lose track of the good. Of the children who are discharged healthy and healed from here, of the people who’s babies get to make it home. Of the children who’s hearts are functioning properly for the first time ever. Today Lizzie grinned and laughed and laughed and laughed, to hear her laugh again is such a beautiful thing (you can’t actually hear anything but the air move, her voice still has not recovered after being on the vent so long, but you know what I mean). I was reminded today by Lizzie’s team of doctors just how far she has come. As we met this morning to discuss her latest plan of care, her rehabilitation doctor said the neatest thing. He said when he first examined Lizzie a few weeks ago to develop a treatment program for her, he wrote the word “guarded” down in relation to her outcome. Not just from a medical standpoint but from how delayed and neglected she was, how her life as an orphan had just caused too much damage. He was not convinced physical therapy was going to do much for her. But then he said, “Now I see something different. Now I feel confident there is a bright little girl in there ready to shine”.
Lizzie is my little star ready to shine. I have not mentioned it in the past, but Lizzie’s heart was repaired with donor parts. She can shine now because someone chose to graciously give life to others in their time of incomprehensible despair. My stepfather is here with us now because someone chose to give life. Precious Rini is receiving life and hope at this very moment. Though I know this will not take away the pain the people across from us are going through right now, hopefully one day the gift they are giving through their son’s death will eventually provide some source of comfort. What a selfless and amazing thing to do. Please, if you aren’t already, become an organ donor. Let your wishes be known.