Room for one more…
Where do I start… For the past 10+ years I have happily been a wife and a stay at home momma following my man dutifully wherever the Lord leads us and the US Air Force takes us. Mind you, I married Josh before he joined the service, thinking I found me a handsome engineer that would bring home the bacon, content to stay put and grow roots in one place, with our future babies growing up in one house (with a wrap around porch on a street lined with what I call tree tunnels), going to the same schools, the same church, and being best friends with our best friends’ future babies. I was an RN working full time with the plan of going part time once I had said future babies, I wouldn’t have to worry about daycare because one of the grandparents living nearby would happily watch them for us. I had it all figured out. However, six months after we were married that dream came to an end when Josh signed us over to Uncle Sam.
It’s all good though, and off we went to see the world at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, OH. Soon after moving there, I became pregnant with our first child. That July I discovered just how fiercely, instantly, and unconditionally I could love another human being. One look at those little blue eyes and I knew all I ever wanted to be was a mommy. I did not go back to work, he was my life. We were content, our little family of three, Luke kept me on my toes! I had/have never seen a busier baby than him. My visions of 2-3 children faded and and I decided one was enough!
Thankfully God had different plans. Three years and a move to Florida later (in July again), we had our second baby boy. Although I was thrilled to be pregnant, I was convinced I would not actually be able to love another child as much as I loved Luke. My husband found me bawling in the bathroom a week before Taylor was born and he attempted to assure me that it wouldn’t be a problem. What did he know! He’s not a mother! Turns out Josh was right, one look at those little brown eyes and Taylor Daniel showed me just how miraculously the love for my babies could be shared without taking one drop of it away from the other. Such a sweet baby he was.
After complications during the delivery (I have some serious cardiac issues) it was advised that having more children wasn’t exactly a great idea. Feeling more than blessed with our two healthy boys and not wanting to risk anything, Josh manned up and “took care of business”. Oddly though, I no longer felt our family was complete…
A few months later, we got the news Josh would be deploying. I had a 3 year old and a 5 month old and a husband with a commitment to his country. I know I’m being dramatic, but there’s really very few words to describe just how painful it is to watch the father of your children, your partner, your love get on a plane headed to war.
A week after Josh left, my 9 year old (step)nephew came to spend the summer with us. Jacob spent a lot of time with us throughout his early years and was always wanted and welcomed in our home. Without getting into too much detail, Jacob had basically become an “orphan” that spring. It became clear that he was put with us for a reason, and we graciously accepted the gift of our third child. After many many months of lawyers, court dates, and custody issues we were immersed into the world of private adoption. On February 2, 2010 I walked out of a courthouse in a small town in Alabama with the final decree of adoption in my hands, we won the battle! It only took one look into his big brown eyes for me to realize it does not matter how your baby makes his way into your arms, you love him just as intensely and completely as you do your others and you will fight to protect him no matter the cost.
Josh did make it home safely, by the way, and we settled into the routine of being a family of 5. Football, baseball, stitches, bumps, bruises, all that good stuff that comes with having boys. Oddly though, I did not feel like we were complete. Josh, being the analytical budget conscience individual he is, attempted to assure me that we were indeed “complete” and informed me three children was enough. And seeing as how he “took care of business” after Taylor was born, there wasn’t much more I could say to convince him otherwise. So I prayed that if God was willing a baby would “fall into our laps”, hey, it kinda happened that way with Jacob so it was worth a shot. I asked Josh “just to pray about it too”. He said he would pray but I didn’t believe him because his heart wasn’t changing like I wanted it to! Plus he tells me things to hush me up kinda regularly…
A few moves later and here we are in Texas. I pretty much gave up on the idea of adopting another child and embraced my life as a mother of three boys. One night in April 2012, Josh says to me “I’m thinking of selling my truck, buying something cheaper, and putting the difference towards something else. But I’m afraid to tell you what”. I was like “whatever, just tell me. But if its a boob job, I’m not doing it. I can’t even birth more kids for fear of my heart going out, you know I’ll be the one to die on the operating table getting new boobs and try explaining that to your newly motherless boys”. I had no clue where he was going with his declaration and was getting a little testy. As I continued to ramble he chuckled and agreed that was a good idea but not what he had in mind. He then floored me with the news that he was ready to adopt a baby, a baby girl, a baby girl from China to be precise!!! I reminded him that I had a heart condition and it was not nice to tease me about such things.
But he was not teasing. He sold his truck the next day, bought a used hail damaged Honda Civic and put the money into an adoption account. I am amazed to see God at work in this. Being so clearly used for a greater purpose is such an amazing thing. We are still in the fairly early stages of the adoption process as a result of the road blocks and speed bumps that are all too common in the adoption world. But we’re moving on along and I remind myself that His timing is perfect, not my own. I’ve started this blog to help me get through some of the difficult stuff and maybe help others going through similar trials. Until then, Baby Girl, momma and daddy are coming!!