And then I see beauty…
It’s day 21 and Lizzie is now fighting some form of infection. She spiked a temp of 103.8 early this morning and we’re now waiting on the results of her cultures. This is not where we thought we would be 3 weeks ago and this is not where we want to be now. For some reason though, this is where we find ourselves.
I recently had someone question the amount of time I am spending at the hospital and expressed concern for my other children. We are in crisis mode and are having to depend on help from others in a way that is not exactly comfortable or ideal to any of us. Please know, there is nothing or no one in this world who could persuade me to abandon my children. Any of them. And that is exactly why we cannot and will not leave our baby girl.
It is hard to understand for those who have never adopted that the love for an adopted child is just as powerful and every bit as real as it is for biological children. And I get that, but I need to clarify. It doesn’t matter we have only “known” her for a few months. It doesn’t matter she does not look like us. It could be any one of my children and we would be doing the same exact thing. I’ve touched on this in my very first blog entry Room for one more.
I spoke to the boys and they seem to have a decent understanding of why we must be with Lizzie right now. My 14 year old summed it up best when he said “you’re focusing on the child who needs you the most right now, I get that”. Taylor said when he’s sick he wants momma so he understands why Lizzie needs me too, and Luke pretty much said the same thing as Jacob and Taylor combined. None of us like this and I miss my sweet boys when I am away. There is nothing Josh and I want more than to have our family all home under the same roof.
This situation stinks. It’s awful. It’s ugly. And it hurts like nothing I have ever experienced before. Sometimes I lose it, I cry and scream and want this all to be over with. And then I see beauty, I see redemption, I see love, I see healing even if it’s only in small doses. I am reminded God has done something amazing in our lives and will not leave us. I’ve written a verse on Lizzie’s white board and read it every day. “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…Philippians 1:6”. We’re going to be ok.
Visit Lifeline Children’s Services to learn more about adoption or how you can help others with their adoption journey.